I was talking about a social media with some friends recently and the idea that people only post the highlights or good stuff in their lives was mentioned. Sometimes we compare our lives to what we see on Facebook or other outlets, and feel disappointed because our lives don’t seem as fun, or wonderful as theirs.  

There was an underlying tone that these “wonderful people posts” are fake or not authentic, and sometimes that may be the case, but I would like for you to consider a different mind set. A mind set that I have and that I have thought many times about putting into words, but never took the time to do it. Follow me if you can as I let in on my little world, and how wonderfully chaotic and maddening it can be. Some of you already know these things and and they won’t surprise you a bit! 

I have 2 boys, I was a widow at age 35, I remarried almost 2 years ago to a man that has 2 boys and an ex-wife. All these things in themselves make our lives a bit…what’s the word??? Let’s jus go with difficult, all these things make our lives a bit difficult at times. That’s 6 (7 if you include the 2 boys mother) different personalities all thrown in a blender and puréed. Wow! Some of the things we deal with are just down right exhausting! Here we have 2 adults that have had their share of hurts and disappointments and almost 40 years each of ways we have dealt with life. Now all the sudden we are trying to navigate through this blended family and be “good parents” with all these circumstances weighing in on us. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that on top of these family things we are also dedicated to two ministries at our church, we are introducing sports, we have 4 dogs, 4 goats, and a business? That just skims the surface of how busy our lives can be.  

So you may ask (or just say to yourselves) “Why is their life so fun?” or “I wish we were as happy as they were!” The reality is you see the highlight reel, but you know what?? I’m ok with that, you know why? Because I have done a LOT of work on my self-worth and my identity. I chose to let my identity be in Christ. I have, and will continue to study God’s word and really dig in to finding out how God wants us to live and deal with life’s gut punches. He doesn’t want these things so that we can be “good people” His word tells us how to think and respond so that we may have peace and joy! Even in the midst of our craziness or chaos. 

We are not perfect people that always have the best time or the most peaceful home. We mess up sometimes (a lot of times). We yell at our kids, we get frustrated with each other. We have moments that seem overwhelming and unfulfilling, but we choose not to focus on those moments any longer than we have to. There is one scripture that I will leave with you as to why I always post the good and choose to leave out the less desirable. There are many, many more I could post, but this is one of my scriptures! One that I try to use as a filter before I speak, sometimes I fail miserably at it, especially in a heated moment and for that I confess and repent, but if we could all do these things we would find more footage on our highlight reel. 
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

http://bible.com/59/php.4.8-9.esv
As a side note I want to say how thankful I am for my Tuesday night Ridge Recovery ladies. Many times I have asked them to pray for me and my blended family. They allow me to vent and share and they suit up for battle for me and my family and pray hard! I feel their prayers and I couldn’t imagine doing life without them!  

Have you ever had those moments that you heard news that was so shocking that you remember every detail about where you were and what you were doing when you heard it? In 2003 when I was on maternity leave with my first born, very colicky son, I was sitting on my new $20 thrift store couch, that smelled like someone else’s bad habits. I got a phone call from my best soul-mate sister, which was also the wife of one of the pastors of my beloved church. Her words still sting as she said “Troy has been arrested for child molestation”. I was shocked, disturbed, sickened and terrified all at the same time. Troy was our lead pastor, the founder of our church. The entire time I was asking the typical questions…”Who? When? Where? my mind was reeling back to my childhood when another highly respected, very spiritually gifted man of God was doing the same thing to children that are now scarred up grown-ups with trust issues, low self worth, and a string of bad choices that stem from the innocents that was stolen from them.  Many years have passed since then, years that have been served in prison, or for the victims in therapy or in what God only knows what else.  

The News that broke yesterday about 32 arrested, including 2 church leaders, in connection with human trafficking and prostitution took me right back to these moments. Moments where my church family was devastated. Moments when we all questioned how we didn’t know this was part of his character…this was the man that collectively married us, buried our loved ones, dedicated our babies, baptized us! Did his sinful nature make all of that null and void? Was everything we had learned about Jesus while under his teaching now questionable? How could this happen from such a “good Christian”? 

I moved from that state shortly after that. I left that church where I was once so involved that it was part of my identity. I was broken. It took me a very long time to even want to go to church again. When I did I spent years in the background of a giant church where I didn’t want to know anyone, or get close to any of the pastors, because up until this point in my life preachers have been the men that have shattered everything I understood about God’s love and protection. 

I was keeping myself “safe”, but in all honesty I isolated myself from the very people that I would need. I didn’t form the relationships that I needed when my life fell apart due to my first husbands addictions, depression and ultimately his death. Because I allowed fear to take over I was completely alone in a giant church full of people. 

Now, 13 years later, I have had to overcome the after effects of my lack of faith and fear of man disappointing me. I am a very active part of my church family at Ridge Church. I have learned that we are all flawed and apart from Jesus we are all capable of hurting others. Even as believers we will fail each other.  

I also know that sexual sin is alive and thriving in this broken world we live in, Christians are not immune to the draw of sexual desires. I am in no way excusing the actions of anyone! I’m simply stating that God’s word gives us specific instruction on how to guard ourselves from attack of the enemy.

 “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

http://bible.com/111/eph.6.11.niv

 Non-believers will never comprehend that spiritual battle we are in EVERYDAY as Christians. They will never understand that we are probably tempted more than anyone because the enemy knows he can destroy the character of the men and women that are spreading the gospel by luring them into his traps. 

So I say this to my friends and family that attend the churches effected by this disgusting crime that was revealed yesterday, stand firm in your faith, stand firm in your trust in God. Don’t let another mans actions draw you away from the community that God has called you into. Pray for discernment, pray for wisdom! Don’t read all the articles that come across and if you do don’t read the comments. If you read the comments, don’t react to them in an un-Godly way that will further damage what non-believers understand about our Jesus!  

Let God fight for you! 

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.””

‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

http://bible.com/111/exo.14.14.niv

It is no surprise to God what happened in our community yesterday. Another thing non-believers can’t comprehend. It was NOT His will, but I can promise you He has a plan and His plans are always good. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NIV‬‬

http://bible.com/111/rom.8.28.niv

The Bible tells us we shouldn’t be unequally yoked, the reference is in regards to partnering with non-believers. Many pastors, teachers, counselors and mentors use this term in marriage. Have you heard this term? Do you comprehend this term? A yoke is farming equipment used to put two large animals together at the neck so that they can pull equally and do their “job” more sufficiently and equally.  
So…you’re married. Maybe you didn’t comprehend this statement when you decided to marry, maybe you or your spouse weren’t believers when you married. Maybe you married because you thought it was the right thing to do at the time. Either way you are proverbially tied at the neck with another human being. Somedays the work seems even things are going fine and moving right along. Other days it may seem if you are dragging that sorry piece of deadweight behind you while you are lunging forward vowing to get the task ahead of you done all by your self! Or quite possibly you are being the dead weight and your spouse is snarling and stomping trying to get you to see that you’re not pulling your weight and how it leaves all the responsibility on them.  
In these times of frustration how are you as a Christian supposed to handle these things? This is where we have to turn to our pocket field guide (The Bible) and hit our knees seeking how God would have you handle these things. A “WWJD” type of moment for the lack of better words.  

Do you think Jesus would handle it by throwing out passive aggressive comments? Stomping your feet and pouting? Screaming at the top of your lungs about the sorry job as a parent, spouse or friend your partner has done? I’m gonna go with…PROBABLY NOT! 

All though these are the natural defaults that our human nature embrace, this is not the way Jesus wants us to handle this, and after all is said and done isn’t HIM we are aiming to please?! 

There are many many scriptures that back me up in this but there are a few things that have to happen before those words matter… First you have to believe those words. You have to believe those words were written to you, for you, and about you, even when things seem unfair or that Gods’s promises aren’t coming in the time frame you would like.  

Second you have to put them into action, which is easy when things are going smoothly, but what about when you spouse isn’t meeting an expectation that you have? Is it so easy to put the meek, mild, forgiving, mercy, holding of the tongue, and grace into action when you want to throat punch the other person? NOT AT ALL! But in order to reap the harvest of peace, and joy you have to sow those seeds even in the hard times. Sometimes this takes more than you have in you, that’s the moments you have to train yourself to lean in closer to God and tap into HIS strength. 

Use the difficult parts of your marriage to grow you closer to God, learn HIS ways, reflect HIS character. 

You disqualify yourself when you react to a situation rather than lifting it up to God in prayer. He will show you the way to respond to rather than react to something that angers you. 

Here are a few scriptures that may help with this training. I would love to hear any that are “go to”

Scriptures for you when you feel a throw down coming on. Remember these words are not going to make sense to your friends that are non-believers, they are going to tell you to “get what you deserve”and they will be glad to join you a verbal bashing of your spouse, don’t fall into that trap. 
 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Rom 8:25

 Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Eccl 7:8

 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Prv 26:4

 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 2Tim 2:23

 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, Jas 1:19
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4-7‬ NIV)

This is intended for our ladies group at Ridge Recovery, but if it speaks to you then it was intended for you as well.

Good morning ladies. I have found myself reflecting on Kevin’s devotional a lot since Tuesday. Part of it for me was that God uses the unlikely, the unconsecrated, the unimpressive. I am all of these things! I honestly don’t even fully comprehend unconsecrated, but I get the gest… It’s me. I have found myself in a place where God is using me! In this Chaplain training I am working along side senior pastors, licensed therapists, and people with degrees in religion and theology. The only thing I have to offer is 2 semesters of an incomplete associates degree in business (that I picked because there was no required algebra) and a long list of God’s grace and redemption from my own choices or other people’s choices that directly effected me. God appointed me to this position, He called me to this opportunity to serve regardless of my credentials or lack of. So when you come to a point in your life that you feel unworthy, not smart enough, not skilled enough please remember these words! Just like David, the little boy tending sheep that was called to be king above all the other more likely and qualified brothers YOU are called to a higher purpose. No matter your past, or your present HE knows your future and he wants you to follow Him.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31New International Version (NIV)

26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

In my 12 step recovery group we are hovering over step 4. It’s a TOUGH step. It reads like this:

Step Four
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to The Lord.
Lam 3:40

Seriously??! Fearless??? That’s a big order to fill!
Every morning it seems I wake up and have to start all over! I have to remind myself the promises of God. It seems like fear can take over my thoughts, invade my security, challenge my faith all before my feet hit the ground.
In step four there are a few things I’ve underlined that tell me I am not “terminally unique”.
I could just copy and paste the entire section, but I’ll hit the highlights that stuck out to me.
“Fear limits our ability to be rational. When fear is present, it is difficult to see situations in their true perspective.”
What this says to me is fear is the reason I can wake up on any given morning and let my mind wonder down the path of anxiety, and insecurity.
Most people think I’m a very secure strong woman, but until I talk to Jesus I am a hot mess! I don’t see myself or my situations in their true perspectives. I don’t see me through God’s eyes, I see a woman that could loose a little weight, keep a cleaner house, have more patience with my boys. I don’t see my relationships through God’s eyes because the fear in me says that they will all just disappear one day, or that I may have said something that will offend someone, even though that’s far from my nature. God’s perspective is that I am secure, He has set my boundaries in pleasant places. God’s perspective is that He loves me regardless if I fall short in my domestic duties. God’s perspective is He loves me enough to help me change the short comings in my life without beating me up about it. God’s perspective is He has given me the relationships I have, He tells me that everything has a season including relationships. If He chooses to let that season last a lifetime, then I will be blessed for a lifetime. If He chooses the season to be short-lived even then I shouldn’t fear because in the end all things will work out for my good and His glory because I love HIM!

Most people hear recovery and think specifically about drugs or alcohol. While that is part of our ministry it doesn’t define the ministry. We deal with topics like fear, insecurity, abuse, self worth…anything that can be used to destroy our peace and kill our joy.
We are on a journey to wholeness while seeking Jesus in every part of our lives. Hearts and minds will be opened to receive the love that God wants to pour over you. Freedom awaits us. I’m looking forward to walking this journey with you. In the coming weeks there will be announcements on dates and times for our recovery groups on the church blog, and during Sunday services. You can email us if you have questions at:

Recovery@ridgechurchonline.com

Yesterday I had a few Momma moments with Isaac that in the moment felt justified, but after thinking about it for a while I felt kind of bad for being so tough on him. Anyone that knows Isaac knows he is a trail blazer and is very…. What’s the word??? Determined, or ambitious. These can be very good characteristics, unless it’s your job to raise this very eager and energetic child into a healthy productive adult. That’s where the challenge comes in.
As I’m learning more and more about grace I had this thought this morning while reflecting on my parenting skills,or sometimes the lack of.
” If I am supposed to show grace to people in the world for the things they do that may be offensive or hurtful, why do I find it so hard to display the same grace to my children?”
Almost out of clear air this thought popped into my mind…
“It’s better to discipline my children now so they don’t grow up to be the adults that require more grace and forgiveness later”

What if we could have complete transparency? Lay it all out there. Bring our demons out of their hiding places. Truth is they are no secret to our omnipotent God. For those of you like me that need Webster’s help on that big word, it means all knowing, all powerful!
What if we could all wear our Scarlett letters on our chest like a badge of honor? Do you think it would drive people away or draw people near? Would it free others up to let their secrets out and gain freedom from the things that keep us in bondage? What if we were to give God all the glory and deny the enemy power over our secrets any longer? What if we got real down and dirty with ourselves and took responsibility for the things we have done or are doing. Do you find freedom in those thoughts? Or fear?
What if we could find the reason we hang on to our sins, our rationalizations, the reason we take that drag, that swig, that bite, look at that garbage, swallow that pill, tell those lies, belittle others, pretend to be someone we are not or deny ourselves of who we really want to be. These thoughts terrify and inspire me. They cause me to search myself. Do I dig in my hiding place deeper? Or poke my head of towards the light?

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalms 139:23, 24 KJV)

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. (Luke 9:23 KJV)

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. (Matthew 16:24 KJV)

I know a secret! Well, it’s not a secret at all actually. It’s a promise! One that I can hold near to my heart and have confidence that no matter what this life throws at me I am a chosen one and it’s all gonna be ok!
It sounds silly to some, but to the other chosen ones…they get it.
It sounds like a secret society doesn’t it? Like a club you have to be initiated into? Guess what! It’s not! It’s open for all to be a part of. The entry fee has already been paid. The membership never runs out. There is nothing you can do to earn your way in. All you have to do is ask…

It is no secret I have been through some tough stuff in my life! It is also very evident that I am blessed beyond measure!! My life is full and I am grateful for all things! I want to share some things that have overwhelmed me this morning.
Our sermon series at church these last few weeks has been called “Chainbreakers” This past week we touched on some pretty tough stuff. The theories that people have as to why bad things happen to them…
Bobby (pastor) mentioned a few things that would seem to make sense in our society today because we live in a world where people believe what motivational posters or quotes say, but the truth is most times our hardships just don’t make sense. They have nothing to do with how we are behaving, how we were raised, or what kind of luck we have.
They have everything thing to do with who we turn to when our lives fall apart or become unmanageable.

I have been through a lot of bad stuff. Some may have been linked to my choices because every choice does have a consequence, but most of the “big” things I have faced have not been because of my own choice or because I have done or not done certain things. God allows things to happen to us. He permits certain things to bring us to our knees. Some of you may wonder things like “What kind of God would do that?” The only way I know how to answer that is to say, we live in a fallen world. We live in evil times. We live in a battle everyday that is ever changing and ever evolving with the generations. I know this is a foreign concept to some, but God is good! God is good despite all the bad things that happened to you!
Some of the things that I have been through are very evident, losing my husband to suicide is just one of them. So many other things that I have had to battle only people close to me know about. Some other battles have been public like my Mom’s breast cancer, her stoke, loosing a home, seeing my child on a ventilator after being hit by a car, having to move my children to different homes and schools due to circumstances beyond my control. I won’t even begin to scratch the surface of the inner battles that I face alone in my mind everyday, the same ones that many of you deal with every day. Big or small they are all personal battles. Most of them are lies from the enemy! Attacks on your self worth, or identity. I want everyone to know that there isn’t an ounce of strength in me that got me through these battles alone. I give all glory to God because it is through Him that I have faced, and gotten through some of my worst nightmares that have come to pass. There is no amount of personal growth, karma, motivational speakers, self help books, or medication that can give what faith in God can give you. Even in times of questioning His grace is sufficient. I am no bible scholar, I can’t quote scripture off the top of my head without an app on my iPhone, I still have some moments when I question, but what I can do is share with you my story. The events in my life that have caused what I felt as separation from God and the journey to find wholeness in Him. I can tell you how all the crap I have been through is now part of me. I could choose to hold on to it and let it fester into bitterness and have a cold heart, but I don’t. I choose to be an open book and tell you what God has done for me. You may be in a place where you feel like God has abandoned you, or you may have never known him at all. You may be in a place where you have decided to turn your back to God because you feel like he has nothing to offer and you keep getting kicked when your down. I’m sorry you feel that way. I can’t promise things will get better, but I can promise you can find peace in those storms. I can’t fix ANYTHING for you!! What I can do is spend a little time with you and tell you how I have found peace, how I seek peace and how I have to remind myself everyday of the same truths, because I still face battles, I’m still human and fail everyday! Despite all that I am loved more than I ever deserve.
I am posting this today despite the fear of how it may sound or come across. I even fear rejection or ridicule to be honest. I get intimidated easily, but overall I know where my strength comes from.
The feeling that someone else needs some encouragement trumps all those anxieties so I’m putting it out there! Again, I’m no scholar, no biblical genius, and I certainly don’t have all the answers. I’m just a girl that lives life the best way I know how, loving people along the way. I don’t care who you are, what you look like, who you date, what choices you have made in the past, or what label you wear on your britches. I will be available if you want to talk, email, message, pray… What ever. I may not be available 24/7, but I will do what I can when I can. Tara77harvey@gmail.com or message me on FB.